Monday, December 29, 2008

Dear Diary 28

Dear Diary,

Well, 2008 is coming to a close. It's been an up and down year for me, but I feel extremely blessed. I have family and friends who love me, a roof over my head, a place of employment that allows me to pay my bills, and i'm alive and kicking.

I've done some complaining in 2008 when things didn't go my way, but i'm going to do my best to change that in 2009. Instead of complaining, i'm going to do all that I can to make things better. I'm starting a checklist and hope to have every item listed checked off by or before December 2009 is over.

I wish a blessed year to all those that I know and love. I've met some nice people here in the blog world and I hope they all have a wonderful 2009. I'm taking a break but i'll be back in the new year, hopefully with a clear blog head, ready to roll.

Have a blessed 2009.

Until Next Year....

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Dear Diary 27

Dear Diary,

Behind, next to, and in front of every strong black woman there is one to match. When I think of my family, i'd definitely say that's true. There are three generations in my immediate, my mother, my sisters and I, my daughter, and niece. We are five very different women, all strong in our own right.

My mother - the matriarch

I've seen my mother tackle many challenges and obstacles in her life. Sometimes it saddens me that things had to be so hard for her. She has so much love in her heart. If she could do for every person she loves she would. She's strong, yet extremely sensitive, and needs to be needed.

If I haven't learned anything else from my mother, I have learned the value of hard work. She will get up and go to work even though her knees hurt or her arthiritis is making it hard to move. There are a lot of times that I feel like turning that alarm clock off and going back to sleep for no good reason, and there are times when I do. There are also those times when I think WWMD (What Would Mom DO) and I get up and go to work.

I tell my mother I love her all the time, but I don't think i've ever told her that I am inspired by her strength. If I could give her the world I would, just so she could take a break and relax.

The matriarch begat:

Me - The oldest

The martriarch's first born. It's hard for me to describe myself of say what I bring to the table without feeling funny. I'll just say that people tell me I look just like my mother and my sister always says I have her strength. I'm a wife and mother who loves her family with all her heart and would do anything for them.

I've made some mistakes, but for the most part i've had a pretty good life and, hopefully, set a good example for those who came after me. My mistakes made it a little easier for:

Char - The crazy middle child with no middle name

The one who makes everyone laugh. She has a smile that brightens up a room. If you're sensitive or don't like to laugh, stay away. She can hook up some hair and cleans with a fierceness. You can eat off her floor. She has that childlike quality that makes everyone smile.

She's Ms. Stiletto, with a great fashion sense. Ms. Sensitivity who doesn't like hurting anyone and wants everyone to get along. This girl just wants to have fun. When she hurts, she hurts deep and that's also the way she loves. She came nine years after the oldest and three years later came:

Yvette - Baby Girl the cook

She has a regal spirit and an old soul, and is serious, yet fun. Watches cooking shows and makes the best garlic broccoli i've ever tasted. (LOL) She's the youngest, but wiser than most. You can tell when you speak to her. She has that mama face that tells you she's not playing, but no intention on having any children.

She was the baby in the family and then the oldest had a baby and along came:

Lamika - First grandchild the teacher

My daughter. She came into my life at a time when I wasn't ready to be a mother but prepared myself nonetheless. Because of her I learned of the fight I had inside of me. She is here because of it. She's been curious from birth and became the first of us all to earn not one, but two college degrees.

She takes the minds of children into her hands and molds them each and every day. What a huge responsibility. I don't think there's any way I could be any prouder of the woman she has become. She stands tall and walks with pride. I am impressed every day. She spent years being the only granddaughter and Char blessed us all with:

Andrette - the talker

She's only 13 in age, but wise way beyond her years. If you talk to her you can tell there's something in store for her. She loves unconditionally and fully, always wanting to hug. I smile when I think about her. I see her future, it's bright. She may have to dust her glasses off a little to see how worthy of it she is, but it'll happen in time. We all know those teen years are rough, but she'll make it through.

Three generations loving each other, molding each other, making the way for each other. That's what strong black women do. It's a beautiful thing to be able to look to the right, left, and back of you and know that there's someone there holding you down, ready to listen, teach, and pay forward all that they receive.

Until tomorrow....

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Dear Diary 26

Dear Diary,

I've been feeling a little run down lately. I think it's a combination of personal and work issues. I'm a little stressed out and I hate feeling this way.

Tomorrow i'm going to have a long talk with my boss. I'm always being told how efficient and dependable I am. It's nice to be recognized, but not as nice when the responsibilities are piling up and the pay is staying the same. I've been rolling with the punches because I actually like staying busy, but it's getting to the point where i'm feeling used.

I would like to look for another job but that's not the best idea in this economic climate. I've been on my job for 13 years and I have great pension and benefits, some of the best in the city. It wouldn't make much sense to leave right now. In a way I feel stuck. I'm not really crazy about my job, but I know that i'm blessed to have it. I can only imagine how many people would love to be in my shoes.

If I had it my way, and didn't have bills to pay and a family to take care of, i'd quit and concentrate on my writing. I watch these movies and read articles about people who give up everything for their dream. It would be wonderful if that was my reality.

My husband makes very good money and could probably pay the bills on his own if I quit, but I could not let that happen. It wouldn't be fair to him, and I wouldn't be able to live depending on him. I'm an independent woman and I have to have my own money. I have to be able to do what I want, when I want, and not have to ask anyone for the cash to do it.

Anything worth having is worth working for. So, it'll take me a little longer to finish editing my book and get it published. It's worth the work and i'm ready to put it in.

Until Tomorrow....

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Dear Diary 25

Dear Diary,

To my utter surprise, I have been tagged. I wasn't even sure that many people read my blog, but i'm learning that everyone who reads doesn't necessarily comment. It feels good to know that someone enjoys reading my thoughts enough to single them out. It's my turn to do the same.


Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends. Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.

Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to This Post,which explains The Award.
Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor!

I enjoy reading about the spiritual journey of A Free Spirit Butterfly. She's always postive and inspiring. As soon as I see that beautiful butterfly on her page I smile.

He hasn't been around for a little while, but I always love checking out SLC's blog to see what thought provoking topic he comes up with. He always sees things from a very interesting PERSPECTIVE. His blog is definitely one of my favorites.

Stacye's blog Standing Able is one of the most uplifting blogs I have ever visited. I visit for inspiration and the word is always there. She hasn't been posting for a while, but i'll definitely be there when she gets back.

If you want to know what's going on in the world of music, stop by Songs in the Key of Life. You'll be greeted by a beautiful smile and a bunch of fun posts. I love music so I check her out every chance I get.

I've know The Fitness Diva for a long time. She's a strong, remarkable, Jill of all trades. If you want to know about fitness, nutrition and keeping yourself in shape her blog is the place to be. She's taught me a lot about this blog thing and i'm very thankful.

I have to give honorable mention to Keith. I was going to tag him, but the person who tagged me beat me to it. LOL! His blog is definitely one of my favorites. I think he's an amazing writer. I can see him writing screenplays or that great American novel. He's awesome!

I absolutely love being a part of the blog world. I've been writing for a long time but never had the guts to share my gift with the world. Now that i've started blogging i'm addicted. Thank you to all of you who take the time to stop by my blogs and share your thoughts with me. I'm having a blast.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Dear Diary 24

Dear Diary,

I met up with some friends yesterday and one of them was late. When she arrived and we had a chance to talk, she told me that she was late because she had just come from having an abortion. Just hearing the word brought back memories for me.

I became pregnant with my daughter when I was 16 years old. It was a total surprise, almost like an after school special. I was the girl who thought something like that would never happen to her. It never crossed my mind that my boyfriend (now husband) and I hardly ever used condoms.

When my boyfriend and I told my mother I was pregnant, she had an absolute fit. I can't really say I blamed her. The problem was, she was more worried about people would think of her than what was happening to me. She said people would think she was a bad mother if they say her 16 year old walking down the street with a big belly.

My mother proceeded to make a doctor's appointment for me, and even tried to sit in the room while the doctor examined me. I was ecstatic when the doctor told her she had to leave. Little did I know that she was at the main desk making an appointment for my abortion while my feet were in the stirrups.

As we walked home, she told me the date that my child would be sucked from my body against my will. Whenever I tried to tell her I wanted to have my child, she would ignore me. It was a really rough time. The only person I felt like I could talk to was the father of my child. Neither one of us wanted to abort our child, but we didn't know what to do.

The day of doom was approaching and my mother never really spoke to me. She had made the decision about what would be done to my child and with my body and that was all I needed to know. I wasn't about to let that happen, so I packed my clothes and left while she sat in the livingroom. There was no way I was going to have an abortion.

My mother eventually caught up with me after calling my father and most of our family and trying to make the father of my child look like satan. She blamed everything on him because he was 18 and I wasn't. She even tried to have him arrested for statutory rape. It was such a big mess. No matter what she tried he stood by me, and is still standing by me 25 years later.

Once she realized I was not going to do what she wanted, my mother gave in. She had no choice. She was the only person okay with what she was trying to do. When the smoke cleared, my family came over to my side and realized that forcing me to abort my child probably wasn't a good idea.

My daughter is a wonderful young woman. She just turned 24 the 20th of November. She graduated from the University of Virginia with a BS in psychology and an MS in early childhood development and teaches preschool. She has even studied in Morocco. I could not be any prouder of the woman she has become if I tried.

My mother loves to brag about all her grandchild has accomplished and I find that hilarious. If I had listened to her she would not be alive. My husband is also one of her favorite people in this world. I can remember when she told me he would be gone before our child was born. I understand that, in her mind, my mother was doing what she thought was best for me but the way she went about everything has left a sour taste in my mouth for 25 years. It still hurts. I wonder if she thinks about it.

I do not judge anyone who chooses to have an abortion. I think it is a woman's right to choose what to do with her body. It's just not something I would do. My friend is 42 years old with an established career and a ten year old son. She took every precaution and still became pregnant. She could not see a reason to have another child, and that is her prerogative.

It's funny how the simple word took me back to the time when I had to fight to bring my child into this world. I'm so glad I had someone in my life who was there for me and, together, we were able to make sure our child was born. I know a lot of girls in that position don't have that.

Until tomorrow....

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Dear Diary 23

Dear Diary 23,

Here's a tidbit of information on the strong black woman front that i'm sure no one has heard about. My girl, Serena Williams, will travel to Kenya this week to open the Serena Williams Secondary School in Matooni. In my opinion this is huge news. Did anyone know about this?

If Serena had gotten arrested for drunk driving or hitting her assistant in the head with her cell phone it would be all over the news. The priorities of our tabloid society disgust me sometimes.

During her visit to Kenya, Serena will officially open a secondary school put up in her name, to give chance to needy primary school students who want to pursue secondary school education. The school will allow hundreds of primary school students in the location to pursue secondary school education. The area suffers from high school drop out rate and most students are orphans due to the high HIV/Aids prevalence rate in the area.

I give Serena so much respect for doing this. It's obvious that she is doing it from her heart and not looking for publicity. To those who much is given, much is expected. I'm proud of this young woman for giving back to those less fortunate than her. It's what we all should do.

I wasn't able to find much information on the school, but I wanted to give her props for her efforts to do something great. How wonderful is it to give the gift of education? Much respect to Serena for giving this gift to chilren of the motherland.

Until Tomorrow....

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Dear Diary 22

Dear Diary,

Beside every great man walks a great woman. Michelle Obama is definitely that. She's the personification of a strong black woman. You can see it in her face. It's displayed in the way she walks, talks, and stands by her man. This woman is the bomb.

That's how we do. We're there for the men we love. When Barack's grandmother became ill, Michelle said do what you have to do baby, I got your back. She hit the campaign trail strong black woman style in her husband's absence and held it down until he returned.

It touched me when Barack described Michelle as his best friend and the backbone of their family. That is what a wife should be. It's what I try to be. The relationship these two black people have is wonderful and I am so thankful that black love will be on display for the world to see. People need to know it exists.

There is no doubt in my mind that Michelle Obama will be a remarkable first lady. I was listening to the radio this morning and they were joking about how American fashion is about to change. Michelle is a simple, dignified woman who can make a dress from H & M look like couture. I love that about her. That's how we do.

I have many memories and favorite moments from last night, but my favorite was after the speech was done and the family members left stage. Our President elect walked toward the crowd to say one final goodbye. Waiting for him, letting him have his moment, was Michelle. She had a look of pride on her face as she watched her man command the stage and prepare to begin the journey of his presidency. When he was done he walked to his best friend and they held hands and walked off the stage together. It was beautiful.

Michelle Obama, strong black woman and first lady. That's what i'm talking about!

Until tomorrow (which seems a little brighter)....

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Dear Diary 21

Dear Diary,

We did an interesting exercise at our couples meeting Monday that I was thinking about earlier. My husband and I had to pick two words from a list that described each other and give examples of how and when we demonstrated these qualities.

I chose brave, and hard working for my husband. I chose the words I did because my husband is such a warrior. He's not at all afraid to stand up for what he believes and always says he fears no man, only God. Whenever any of our family members need someone to stand up for them, he is the one they call. Whenever we're together I feel totally safe. I don't worry about anything because I know my warrior is there for me. It's one of the things I love most about him. He is always there for the ones he loves. He also has one of the most thankless, hard, and dangerous jobs there is. He's a New York City sanitation worker and works very hard, especially in the winter.

My husband chose the words creative and loving for me. Creative is a given. He knows that I love to write and i've finished my next novel. He also added the way I plan parties and outings and get our friends and family to come out. He chose loving because of the way I am with him, our children, and family. He always says I have a, "huge heart."

The most important parts of the exercise was choosing three words to describe our children. We chose ambitious, strong, and motivated. Our children are wonderful people. They always go for what they want. My daughter has both a Bachelors and Masters degree and my son graduated second in his class. She is a pre-school teacher and we are very proud. I attended the graduation of her first class in June and it was beautiful to get a glimpse of what a wonderful educator she is. My daughter is one of the most confident, self assured people I have ever met.

My son is a freshman in college. His goal was to make the basketball team at his school. We all have a passion and my son's is basketball. He loves it and is an excellent player. My baby boy worked his ass off and made that team. I'm so proud of him. As of freshman he probably won't get as much playing time as he did in high school, where he was BMOC. He understands that, but will continue to be the team player he has always been. My son has a remarkably gentle spirit and always has a calming influence on those around him.

Our children inspire my husband and I. We look at them and know that we have done well. Like I always say, we contributed two wonderful people to the universe. I love my family and feel that I am truly blessed. I couldn't ask for three better people to share my life with.

Until tomorrow....

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Dear Diary 20

Dear Diary,

My husband and I went to our weekly couple's meeting last night. It was a lot deeper than usual. Our facilitators have hit us with a lot of topics, but yesterday was different. We talked about how things that we have gone through in our past affect our relationships.

One of my favorite people in the group is a man named Louis. Louis is a man's man and his wife says that he is a wonderful husband and father. He was the first man to speak up. It's very hard for men to talk about their feelings and it took some prodding from the women to get one of them to talk. Louis decided to be the one. As a mother it broke my heart to hear him say that he never really knew his mother.

Louis lived with his mother until the age of seven and then was sent to his father. His mother said she could not "handle" him. He is in his forties and still doesn't know what that means. To make a long story short, Louis still longs for a mother. He really feels that he missed out. His mother passed away before he could ask her any questions. They barely spoke.

I take my job as a mother seriously. It boggles my mind to think that someone just would not want to be bothered with their child. I know there are times when things cannot be avoided and I am in no way judging anyone. I just don't know if my life would be worth living without my children. I think of all the mothers who have outlived their children and my heart goes out to them. I cannot even begin to imagine how they make it through the day.

My prayers go out to the sister of Jennifer Hudson. She has been on my mind since I heard that her son's body was found. I know that mother's lose their children every day, but it has to be extremely hard to see your tragedy play itself out on television.

Being a mother is a serious responsibility that needs to be cherished.

Until tomorrow....

Friday, October 24, 2008

Dear Diary 19

Dear Diary,

Someone very close to me is in the hospital. He has sarcoidosis and they found a clot in his lungs that spread to his heart. The doctors told him he would have died if he would have gone a few more days without going to the doctor.

It's so hard to see someone you love going through something like this. It makes you remember how precious life is.

My husband and I had an argument Sunday night and we weren't too fond of one another Monday morning. What if, God forbid, something would have happened to him? Would I want the last words I said to him to be out of anger? I love my husband very much and never want to go to bed angry again.

I'm so glad my father and I never argued because I never got the chance to say goodbye to him. Our conversations were always filled with love and laughter. I miss him very much, but draw comfort in the fact that angry words were not something we shared.

After my father's death, I began to value the ones I love more. A conversation does not end without me saying, "I love you." That is so important. It's also nice to hear, even if it's known. You don't realize that you take for granted someone will always be there until they're gone. I wish my father's death wasn't the catalyst for this realization, but it was.

I am going to do all I can to make angry words a thing of the past. Words of love are so much better. No more going to bed angry. There are times when my husband makes me crazy, but if I lost him, I could not be found.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Dear Diary 18

Dear Diary,

Yesterday I really listened to the lyrics of the song Superwoman, by Alicia Keys and realized that I needed to post them. I know so many superwomes who never get what the they deserve out of life. I watched my mother struggle and do the best she could to raise me and my sisters. It wasn't easy for her to do that on her own. I respect her more than she will ever know. She's a superwoman. Yes she is!

I'm even going to give myself props. I have raised two wonderful children and kept my family together when it seemed like things were going to fall apart. I'm a superwoman. Yes I am!

We are all strong women and sometimes we deserve more than live gives us, but we push on. Some of us don't realize our strength. We've been told what we can't do for so long that we believe it. Sometimes we put the world on our shoulders and stop caring about ourselves. We feel guilty if we do the unthinkable and put ourselves first. It's time to do that. We're all superwomen. Yes we are!


Everywhere I'm turning
Nothing seems complete
I stand up and I'm searching
For the better part of me
I hang my head from sorrow
Slave to humanity
I wear it on my shoulders
Gotta find the strength in me

Cause I am a Superwoman
Yes I am
Yes she is
Still when I'm a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes
I'm a Superwoman

For all the mothers fighting
For better days to come
And all my women, all my women sitting here trying
To come home before the sun
And all my sisters
Coming together
Say yes I will
Yes I can

Cause I am a Superwoman
Yes I am
Yes she is
Still when I'm a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes
I'm a Superwoman

When I'm breaking down
And I can't be found
And I start to get weak
Cause no one knows
Me underneath these clothes
But I can fly
We can fly, Oooohh

Cause I am a Superwoman
Yes I am
Yes she is
Still when I'm a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes
I'm a Superwoman

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Dear Diary 17

Dear Diary,

I was sent an email by a friend that I wanted to share. I'm still not sure if I agree with ith wholeheartedly, but thought it fit the content of this blog so here goes:


While struggling with the reality of being a human instead of a myth, the strong black woman passed away. Medical sources say she died of natural causes, but those who knew her know the truth.

She died from being silent when she should have been screaming, smiling when she should have been raging, from being sick and not wanting anyone to know because her pain might inconvenience them.

She died from an overdose of other people clinging to her when she didn't even have energy for herself.

She died from loving men who didn't love themselves and could only offer her a crippled reflection.

She died from raising children alone.

She died from the lies her grandmother told her mother and her mother told her about life, men & racism..

She died from being sexually abused as a child and having to take that truth everywhere she went every day of her life, exchanging the humiliation for guilt and back again.

She died from asphyxiation, coughing up blood from secrets she kept trying to burn away instead of allowing herself the kind of nervous breakdown she was entitled to, but only white girls could afford.

She died from being responsible, because she was the last rung on the ladder and there was no one under her she could dump on.

The strong black woman is dead.

She died from being a mother at 15 and a grandmother at 30 and an ancestor at 45.

She died from being dragged down and sat upon by un-evolved women posing as sisters and friends.

She died from tolerating Mr. Pitiful, just to have a man around the house.

She died from sacrificing herself for everybody and everything when what she really wanted to do was be a singer, a dancer, or some magnificent other ?

She died from lies of omission because she didn't want to bring the black man down.

She died from tributes from her counterparts who should have been matching her efforts instead of showering her with dead words and empty songs.

She died from myths that would not allow her to show weakness without being chastised by the lazy and hazy..

She died from hiding her real feelings until they became hard and bitter enough to invade her womb and breasts like angry tumors.

She died from always lifting something from heavy boxes to refrigerators all by herself.

The strong black woman is dead.

She died from never being enough of what men wanted, or being too much for the men she wanted.

She died from being too black and died again for not being black enough.

She died from being misinformed about her mind, her body & the extent of her royal capabilities.

She died from knees pressed too close together because respect was never part of the foreplay that was being shoved at her.

She died from loneliness in birthing rooms and aloneness in abortion centers.

She died in bathrooms with her veins busting open with self-hatred and neglect.

And sometimes when she refused to die, when she just refused to give in she was killed by the lethal images of blonde hair, blue eyes and flat butts, being rejected by the O.J.'s, the Quincy's, the Cuba 's, & the Kobe 's.

Sometimes, she was stomped to death by racism & sexism, executed by hi-tech ignorance while she carried the family in her belly, the community on her head, and the race on her back!

The strong black woman is dead!

Or is she?

Until tomorrow....

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Dear Diary 16

Dear Diary,

It's Tuesday and I feel like it's Friday. I was given a bit of a promotion and some extra responsibilities. I'm so busy that I don't know what to do. On one hand I love it and on the other hand I miss all the free time I had before.

My supervisor was demoted. She's not a very bright woman and has never been effective. It has always been extremely frustrating knowing more about the job than the person who is suppose to be "in charge." No matter how much we complained, nothing was done about her incompetence.

She was demoted as retaliation for a false complaint she made against her supervisor. No one could believe she would actually do something like that. I think they wanted to fire her, but feel sorry for her at the same time. I would never wish that anyone lost their job, especially the way things are going these days. Demoting her was the humane thing to do.

This may sound funny, but her situation reminds me of Sarah Palin. She's out of her league, but would never admit it. The higher ups at my job have always known that my supervisor was not capable of doing her job, but they threw her to the wolves anyway. This is the same thing the McCain campaign has done to Palin. I could never think of my ex supervisor running anything and I definitely couldn't see Palin running the country. (Bless her heart)

I guess i'm so obsessed with this election that I see similarities everywhere. We're in the last days of the campaigns and I just hope Obama can keep his lead until November 5th.

Until tomorrow....

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Dear Diary 15

Dear Diary,

You never know where your inspiration will come from. I signed up for a writing contest that hadn't begun a while ago and received the email containing the rules earlier today. I've only recently started sharing the things I write with other people and blogging has helped me a lot. Even though I don't receive many comments on either one of my blogs, just having a place to write each day is a big boost.

I had the entry page on my computer screen and, for some reason, I could not bring myself to begin typing. My confidence was lacking. I began to second guess my abilities and wonder if I should even enter. I told myself that a lot of writers would be entering the contest and their styles might overshadow mine because it is very simple. Even though I know i'm an excellent writer, it's still hard for me to share my work. That is why finishing and publishing my novel is so important to me.

Anyway, as I sat in front of my computer I was watching a reality show called, Tabatha's Salon Makeover. Tabatha is a very successful hair stylist who visits salons in trouble and helps the owners to get things in order and save their businesses. I'd never watched the show before but it was on and I think I needed a distraction.

At one point in the show, Tabatha was talking to the stylists and she told them that at the end of a day at her salon she can barely stand because she gives her all to her clients. She said she loves what she does so much and that each client leaves her salon with a piece of her because she puts her heart and soul into what she does. I started to cry.

Writing is what I love and her words touched me. At that moment, her words were what I needed to hear. I turned my chair around and began to type. I didn't stop until I was done. The words of a reality show host had inspired me. The smallest things can make you sit up and take notice. I'm upset that I doubted myself, but glad that I got it togehter.

They say the Lord works in mysterious ways. He always sends the message, it's just up to us to recognize it because you never know where it may come from.

Until Tomorrow....

Friday, October 3, 2008

Dear Diary 14

Dear Diary,

So, I watched the vice presidential debate last night and found myself constantly yelling at the television. Joe Biden was a true gentleman. Usually that would have been a good thing, but I wanted him to tear Sarah Palin a new one. It's what she needs. Ever since her disgustingly disrespectful speech at the RNC I have wanted her to get what she deserved.

Last night was the first time I would have liked to see Hillary Clinton in Biden's spot. She would have chewed Palin up and spit out her bones.

I got sick of seeing this face:

There's nothing worse than someone who is not qualified trying to act like they know what they're talking about. It's like when you start a new job and you lied on your resume. The boss comes to you with work you know you can't do, but since you lied you have to try and figure it out.

Palin looked like she was trying to figure it out during the entire debate. Her cheat sheets weren't even helping her. At one point it seemed like she was reading from a telepromter. The moderator would ask her about the economy and she would go into a long spiel about energy and how great the wonderful maverick John McCain is. It was mind blowing.

If you don't know, you don't know. There is no amount of studying or preparation that would have made this woman qualified enough to stand next to Joe Biden, much less debate him. I thought he was very nice to her and, to be honest, I wish he wasn't. If she had the nerve to stand there and try to flub her way through a debate in front of the nation, she should have been exposed for the uninformed, unprepared, candidate she is. She was thrown to the wolves and should have been eaten alive.

God save us all if Sarah Palin is the first female vice president. She'd make a better talk show host.

Until tomorrow....

Monday, September 29, 2008

Dear Diary 13

Dear Diary,

The days are zooming by faster and faster. Weekends always seem to go by too fast anyway. Mine was pretty good. My husband and I went to the movies Friday. He has a friend who works in a movie theater and we get to see as many movies as we want. We saw Lakeview Terrace, The Family That Preys, and Nights in Rodanthe. I think Samuel Jackson's performance in Lakeview Terrace and Sanaa Lathan's performance in Preys were some of their best work. Both movies were pretty good.

Nights in Rodanthe is the movie that stuck with me. Diane Lane and Richard Gere were the stars. It was a good movie to see with my mate. I don't want to say too much about it, but the movie demonstrated how people come into your life for a reason and even if it's only for a short period of time, they can have a huge impact.

After seeing the movie, I thought about my father. It's so important to tell the people we love how we feel about them. I found out that my father passed away on his birthday. He had a heart attack and way lying on his bedroom floor for a few days before his landlord found him. I loved my father very much, but didn't always verbalize it. We said, "I love you," to one another from time to time. Because of the way he died, I wasn't able to talk to him before he passed away. That was ten years ago and I still think about it every day.

I make it a point to say those three important words to all those I feel them for now, just in case. You never know what could happen. I miss my daddy so much. I'm glad I have good memories of him. I'm also glad I have so many things that I know I got from him like his love of sports and music, his creativity (he was a photographer and writer), his love of reading, and even his mean streak.

Whenever I spoke to my father he would always close the conversation with, "Don't take no wooden nickels." I've kept that with me. My father was not one to let people get over on or disrespect him. He definitely passed that on to me. I just hope that when he's looking down on me, he's smiling with pride and saying, "You're doing a good job Bugaloo."

Until Tomorrow...

Friday, September 26, 2008

Dear Diary 12

Dear Diary,

I haven't written a poem in a long time, but today the spirit moved me. I'm going to give it a try. Maybe i've been inspired by Don and a free spirit butterfly.

I am all of the above
Sometimes I feel like my identity gets lost
So busy
Trying to please
Make sure everyone is okay
Do they have what they need?
Someone once said
What about you?
And I became confused
What about me?
What have you done for you lately
They replied
I'm a strong black woman
I can handle it
I'm all of the above
Knowing the future can be great
But not wanting to get my hopes up
Letting my love go freely
Hoping to get it back in return
To whom much is given
Much is expected
I was given a gift
Strong shoulders
Heavy with burden
Filled with solutions
I’ve got the secret
Never let ‘em see you sweat
The backbone of my people
The ride or die chick
Down for her dude
There with the rifle
When the shotgun’s too light
By any means necessary
I’m a strong black woman
I can handle it
I am all of the above
That’s me
Strong black woman
And I got it under control

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Dear Diary 11

Dear Diary,

Someone sent me an email that I thought was perfect for this blog.

Quote for the day:

'Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.

If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.

If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.

If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.

If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.'

So - if you give her crap,

You will receive more shit than any one human being can handle

Love and appreciate all the women in your life.

Until Tomorrow...

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Dear Diary 10

Dear Diary,

Yesterday was wonderful. I got a lot of writing done and relished the sound of nothing in my home. My son came home a little earlier than I thought and I had to hold back the urge to ask him what the hell he was doing home, but it was okay. He may have been thinking the same thing. He's the first one to get home and i'm sure he likes his alone time as much as I do.

I went to work feeling great. It's crazy how one good day off can replinish you. There's always drama on my job, but i've been doing my best to stay out of it. Because of one of my co-workers, the vibe can be a little sticky from time to time but I have a couple people I enjoy talking to so it's okay.

One of my co-workers is a deejay and music producer. He is producing music for his cousin, who can really sing, and they are close to a record deal. We share a bond of creativity that a lot of people don't understand. He knows how I feel knowing that I am close to being done with the first draft of my novel and shares in my excitement. We encourage one another and it's nice to have that person who understands what i'm feeling.

There are so many miserable people where I work. Part of me wants to feel sorry for them, but their attitudes are so disgusting sometimes that they sympathy goes out the window. Misery, indeed, loves the hell out of company. Our job is the end all be all for a lot of them because they have nothing else to do. They don't take the time to find an interest or cultivate a talent because they're too busy worrying about what everyone else has or what they're doing. Crabs in a barrel...

I was telling my co-worker that everyone he thinks is happy for him isn't. Actually, I told him that a long time ago. I stopped talking about my book with certain people because I could feel their negative energy, even when they had on a fake, supportive smile. He finally sees what i've been saying. People's true colors are starting to show.

All I can do is pray for them and keep it moving.

Until Tomorrow...

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Dear Diary 9

Dear Diary,

Today is a me day. I took the day off the spend some time with myself. I'm not going anywhere, just chillin in the house alone. I did some laundry this morning and i'm about to make myself something to eat and relax. I'm so happy.

I didn't do any writing this weekend so I plan to get it going today. I'm right at the end of the final chapter and i'm feeling a little anxious. My pen and pad looks like a luscious t-bone steak. I'm unplugging the house phone and hoping no one calls my cell. It'll just be me and the ideas that I let flow onto the paper. I love writing my chapters before I break out the flash drive. I've just never been one to sit in front of the computer when it comes to writing my book.

The peace and quiet in my home right now is one of my favorite sounds. I love being alone. It gives me time to think. Most of the time i'm thinking about how the book is going to end and where I want my characters to go. I already have ideas for the next installment.

Well, i'm going to continue my me day and get as much writing I can before the family starts rolling in.

Until Tomorrow....

Monday, September 22, 2008

Dear Diary 8

Dear Diary,

I had a very relaxing weekend, no hanging out, no nothing. All I did was spend time with my husband. That's my favorite thing to do. We could sit alone in a room for a week and make the best out of it. We always have fun together.

Actually, after 19 years of marriage, we did something kind of cool Saturday. We joined a couple's group. He initially joined because of the incentives, AKA we get paid a thousand bucks over ten weeks, but now he can't stop talking about how much fun it was. We had a really good time getting to know the other couples, discussing different topics, and doing fun exercises. It was great!

We were the O.G.'s, along with one other couple. None of the other couples had been married over eight years. The husbands were just as involved as the wives and I thought that was nice because most of them admitted that their wives made them come. I'm the type of person who takes a little time to warm up to situations, but I felt comfortable immediately.

My husband, like the others, didn't really want to go. He basically did it for me. Even though we've been together for 25 years, I feel like there's always something you can learn. I really apprciate him not only going, but taking a big part in all of the discussions. That's not his thing.

It was only our first time, but we've already learned something. Our arguments can get a little heated and we were taught a technique that will help us keep things from getting out of hand. That's something I was hoping for. We're both really stubborn people and neither one of us are good at backing down. I think what we learned will definitely come in handy.

I'm happy that after all these years we're still in love. We're not together for the kids or convenience we really and truly love one another. We've been through some things that could have sent us over the edge, but we held on to each other and kept it going. We've raised two amazing people, our daughter has her Bachelors in Psychology and Masters in Early Childhood Education and our son graduated second in his high school class and is now a freshman in college. It feels great.

It's not easy to keep your family together. People don't always support you, or want you to succeed. We were young parents and people in our families tried to get us to abort our daughter. For years we held on to one another for dear life, feeling like we were all we had. I think those times laid the foundation for the relationship we have now.

I enjoyed being with my man, doing absolutely nothing. Like I said, it's one of my favorite things to do. I wouldn't trade the times we have alone together for anything.

Until Tomorrow....

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Dear Diary 7

Dear Diary,

I've been having a lot of interesting conversations with the women I know lately and, frankly, it's been a little scary. I'm the advice person, so I hear all kinds of things. I've been told that i'm a good listener and problem solver.

It seems like every conversation i've had lately has been about what a man has done. It's almost as if women have started to wrap their lives around men. I'm sure this is not true of all women, but it is true of a good many. Why are women giving their power away?

I've been with my husband since I was 15 and he was 18. I'm now 40 and he's 42. We've had our ups and downs, but have always done what we needed to keep things together. It hasn't been perfect or easy, but we're still together. Relationships are hard. I love my husband with all my heart but he does not control the direction my life takes.

One of my friends is depressed over a man she's known for two months. He's not giving her the attention she needs. She asks me for my opinion and when I tell her to leave him alone she comes up with reasons why he doesn't return her phone calls (he's working overtime) or take her anywhere (he's tired from working overtime). Two days later, she's complaining about the same situation she made excuses for.

Another friend is devastated because she asked God for a sign to tell her what was going on with her husband and had a dream that he had a baby. She says it's her fault that he chose to be with someone else. I can't really get into a conversation with her about the situation because she's basing her conclusion on a dream.

I have a 23 year old daughter and she's definitely a strong black woman. I've tried my best to instill so much pride, dignity, and love for self in her that she wouldn't even think about allowing someone into her life that isn't worthy of the beatiful, intelligent, educated woman that she is. I'm proud of her, and proud of myself for raising her.

I'm not one who prescribes to the all men are dogs philosophy. I prescribe to the people can only do to you what you allow philosophy. If someone isn't treating you the way you would like, it's up to you to explain to them that you will not settle for less than you deserve and leave them alone if they cannot meet your standards. It's okay to be picky. We should all be selective about who we spend our time with.

Love of self is also a big factor. If you're not happy with yourself, how can someone else make you happy or vice versa? How can you give of a self you do not appreciate? When you truly love who you are you will not give the time of day to someone who doesn't respect you.

Women have a lot of power. I wish we would stop giving it away. We can't allow ourselves to be taken for granted. We are the mothers of this earth and deserve to be treated as such.

Until tomorrow....

Monday, September 15, 2008

Dear Diary 6

Dear Diary,

This is a poem by Maya Angelou that I just had to post.

Hey ladies,

money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to...

perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams
wants to see her in an hour...

HAVE ...
a youth she's content to leave behind....

a past juicy
enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her
old age....

a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

one friend who
always makes her laugh.. and one who lets her cry...

a good piece
of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her

matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for
a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored...

a feeling of
control over her destiny..

how to fall in love without losing herself..

how to quit
a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend
ruining the friendship...

when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK

that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

that her
childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over...

what she
would and wouldn't do for love or more...

how to live
alone... even if she doesn't like it...

whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...

where to
be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
or a
charming Inn in the woods....
when her soul needs

What she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...

Dear Diary 5

Dear Diary,

Well, it's Monday. The weekend goes by so fast. I'm at work and it feels like I was just here yesterday. I cherish my days off.

Hubby and I went out with some friends Saturday night. We had a few drinks and laughed about this and that. It's easy to enjoy yourself when you're in good company. You know how you have friends that are family. That's how I feel about the couple we were with.

The night was wonderful, good drinks, good food, and good company. It doesn't get any better than that. My husband and I haven't been out with another couple in a while, so it was nice to talk about topics that couples who've been together for a while have in common.

None of us really wanted to end the night, but they have a two month old and wanted to get a little rest before he woke them up. We dropped them off at their place, which is about 15 minutes away from where we live. Just as we were heading down the path to our building, my husband's cell phone rang.

So, in the span of about twenty minutes, our friends got into a fight that ended up getting physical. She was home alone with her kids and he was gone. My husband and I were in shock and had no idea what to do. We went upstairs, both in a daze, and sat on our terrace trying to figure out what the hell could have happened. We were all having fun and they were hugging and kissing all night like newlyweds.

It turns out the whole thing started with a simple argument that escalated. Residual feelings and emotions came to surface and something tragic ended up being the result. I couldn't get any sleep. One of my friends was MIA and the other was at the hospital getting MRIs and CT-Scans.

I couldn't sleep. All I could think of was the demise another Black family. I'm not even sure I can continue this without crying. Why does it seem like all of our families are falling apart, even as a Black family has the chance of being the first family of the United States? It's scary.

I love my friends will all of my heart and I wish this could be worked out, but how do I tell another Black woman that she should give a man a second chance after he put his hands on her? I just wouldn't feel right. She asked for my opinion and all I could say was, "Do what's right for you."

So, it's Monday, and I have no idea what happened. I'm scared to call and hear that my friend is locked up for hitting his wife. This whole thing is crazy. I know that's not him. Communication is so important in a relationship. It's important that we talk about the things that are bothering us. If my friends would have done that, the entire situation would not have happened. We need our Black families together, raising strong, confident Black children.

I'm not sure what the conclusion to this situation will, or should, be. I don't even know what to say.

Until Tomorrow....

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Dear Diary 4

Dear Diary,

The work week is over. It was okay. Of course, I would have liked to be at home writing but I have to do what I have to do to pay them bills. One of these days my writing is going to be what gets them paid. I'm really focused and my eyes are on the prize.

Today my husband and I are going to hang out with one of our favorite couples. I'm really looking forward to it. I need to unwind. We're going out for a few drinks. I know it will be fun. It's always good to be around people whose company you enjoy.

I didn't get any writing done yesterday and I felt a little guilty about it. I'm right at the end of my book and I want to finish. I feel like a pregnant woman at the end of her third trimester. The anticipation is killing me. I'm ready to give birth to the novel that i've been carrying for the past year. It's time for my baby to be born.

I think my husband has been feeling a little neglected because I start writing as soon as I get home. For the past couple of weeks my focus has been on what i'm doing and not on him. Part of me says he needs to just deal with it, but the other part realizes that men need a lot of attention. I sacrificed my writing time to make him happy. He did tell me he was proud of my focus. That made me smile.

More and more people are asking me what my novel is about. Am I wrong for not wanting to tell them? I don't mean any harm but they need to wait until it comes out and buy and copy. Support a sister.

Tomorrow I have to make up for the writing time i've missed. Whenever I don't write I feel a little out of sorts. Writing is my Jerry McGuire, it completes me. I'm feeling a little incomplete right now, but i'll put myself back together tomorrow.

Time to go out and have some fun!

Until tomorrow....

Friday, September 12, 2008

Dear Diary 3

Dear Diary,

I just got my issue of Vibe magazine and it really made me sad. Ciara is on the cover and she's naked. There are also three naked pictures of her inside the magazine. As a black woman and a mother, I went through so many emotions when I saw the pictures. At first I was disgusted, then I was angry, and now i'm sad.

Is this what it has come to? Butt-naked on the cover of Vibe magazine?

I've heard Ciara say many times that she understands that she is a role model for young girls and want to be a good example. I'm still trying to understand how her naked spread in Vibe furthers her role model status.

I understand that this young lady is coming of age and becoming a woman, but she can't have it both ways. You can't call yourself a role model for young girls and turn around and pose nude in a magazine. I don't want to hear that she wants girls to be proud of their bodies. That is real nonsense.

The issue is not only why did Ciara feel the need to have put her body on display. Why did Vibe feel the need to have a naked woman on their cover? I don't think their sales are lacking. I just don't get it. I held that magazine in my hand and stared at it in disbelief. I felt bad for Ciara. I'm not a big fan of her voice, but I do think she's a talented young lady. I don't get why she would do something like that.

I have a daughter and even though she's 23 years old, I think she would think of her father and I before she did something like that. I can't help but wonder how Ciara's parents feel. I think I would be devastated if that was my daughter because I just would not want her to go that route.

We live in such a sex crazed society. There's that saying that sex sells and, unfortunately, it's true. It's hard to raise a girl these days. There are so many things she has to watch out for. We have to teach our daughters that they are more than t and a. We need to instill love of self and confindence into our daughters.

I would love to sit down with Ciara and the editors of Vibe and ask them why the nakedness was necessary. Would they editors put a naked man on their cover?

We as women have to do all we can to insure that the next generation of us are strong Black, Latino, Asian, White......women. It's important for the survival of our society.

Until tomorrow....

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Dear Diary 2

Dear Diary,

I met a really nice, older lady in the nail salon today. She had such a beautiful spirit, and was fly as hell. Every part of her swagger was tight. She had a short, curly afro, her makeup was flawless, her outfit was tight, and her Louis Vuitton bag was to die for. She also had the prettiest smile i've ever seen.

We had some really nice conversation. She was a newly retired nurse and it was obvious that she was loving life. All I could think when I looked at her was, "That's what's up." I'm looking forward to the day when I can say I had a good career, took care of my family, and handled my business, and now it's my time.

This beautiful lady was getting the works at the nail salon in preparation for a cruise. She'll be off to the sea in a couple days and she couldn't stop smiling. I was so happy for her. It will be her first cruise and when I told her i've been on a couple she asked a lot of questions. Her excitement was infectious and before I knew it everyone in the place was talking.

Before she left, she told us all to, "Live a life that prepares you for tomorrow." She's in the second phase of her life and can enjoy it because she did such a good job in the first one. That was a lesson learned. It's never a bad idea to be prepared.

I pray that I can be as happy and fly as the woman I met in the nail salon when i'm her age. I think i'm off to a good start. I still have a few years ahead of me. I'm 40 and i'm just settling into being me. Hopefully, i'll have everything in place when I reach the age of retirement.

The first phase of my life is going pretty good. Hopefully i'll have a second phase like the woman I met today.

Until tomorrow...

Dear Diary 1

Dear Diary,

I found this poem and was so inspired that I needed to write it down.


























By Vernon J. Davis Jr.

Author of " Love Is The Beautiful Black Woman"