Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Dear Diary 62

Dear Diary,

I'm going to be a grandmother. My son's girlfriend is five months pregnant. I wasn't that excited about it at first. My son is 18 years old and has a very bright future. He's a sophomore in college with a full academic scholarship. He's also a member of his school's basketball team. His girlfriend is important to him. His family is important to him too. That's nice, but basketball is his first love. I once joked that he was going to turn into a basketball and roll out the door one day.

Anyone who has read either one of my blogs knows that I was a teenage mother. Things did not go that well for me when I told my mother I was pregnant. She thought a lot about herself and what other people would think. Never once did she stop to think about what I was going through or how I felt. My mother reacted with total anger. It was a crazy ordeal.

No matter what anyone said I knew I was keeping my child. My boyfriend at the time, who is now my husband of 20 years, was there with me the entire time. We adopted an us against the world attitude. The three of us became a family after our daughter was born. We made it a point to never have to ask anyone for a thing. Having a child made us both very independent people. I have no regrets.

A child is a blessing. Our daughter was a blessing and so is my grandchild. Did I want my son to be a father at 18? Of course not. Would I have wanted him to have his career and life on track before being responsible for another life? Hell yes! Did I talk to him about sex and being protected? Yes! Do I think any less of the extraordinary person he is because of his situation? No, no, and no again.

There is no doubt in my mind that my son will be a remarkable father. He has such a gentle spirit. Kids flock to him. They know that he is genuine. He took the money he made working at Yankee Stadium and put it in the bank. He began to save as soon as he found out he was going to be a father. I'm proud of him. His bank account is stacked. He's already started being responsible.

My son's choices have forced him to do something I know he didn't want to. He had to quit the basketball team. That hurt me. He took it like a man and moved on because he knew it had to be done. The baby is the first priority in his life now. He knows what he has to do.

Yankee Stadium is not a regular gig so my son had to look for a permanent job. He found one within a couple weeks. It's actually a pretty good gig. He's been sporting an awesome mohawk for months. When he went to orientation for his new job he found out he had to get rid of it. I was upset for him because I know he loved his mohawk. Once again he took it like a man and went to the barber shop and did what had to be done.

I know how it felt when so many people turned on me when I became pregnant. I felt like my mother lead the charge for a long time. Once she realized I was not changing my mind and had gathered a lot of support, she came around. I think it's because she had no choice. My daughter is a wonderful young woman and my mother brags about her all the time. I have to laugh about that from time to time. If she had her wish my daughter would not be here.

I have always tried to learn from my experiences. There is no way I will ever make my son feel the way I did. I was upset at first because I know what it's like to be a parent at a young age. I made it a point not to express that in the wrong way, but I did tell him how I felt. It's frustrating when you talk until you're blue in the face to no avail. I stressed the importance of safe sex, but I also know that kids will not always use the tools you give them. Things happen.

So i'm going to be a grandmother. I've finally accepted that fact and i'm getting excited. A new life will be coming into our family. What once made me frown is now making me smile. I'm planning baby showers and looking forward to the day my grandson or daughter is born. I think my son knows the sex of the child but I have given strict instructions to keep me in the dark. I do not want to know until the baby is born. Family is very important to me.

My son has taken a detour down the road of life, but I have no doubt that he will find his way. I'll be there and ready to do all that I can to help. I'm going to be a grandmother. I haven't really talked about it or told anyone, but I think about it all the time. I wonder what type of grandma I will be and think about all the things i'll do with my grandbaby. It's kind of exciting. We haven't heard the pitter patter of little feet around our place in years. I'm sure that will bring a whole lot of life to the place.

Things are changing so much. That's what life is about. Let's see what happens.

Until tomorrow....