Friday, July 9, 2010

Dear Diary 71

Dear Diary,

Ain't life grand? You have to get with it. There is absolutely no choice. Even when you don't feel like making that lemonade. Most of the time I feel like taking those lemons and throwing them back at the universe, but it's just not a option. I have to keep on moving.

Sometimes I wish things were always easy. I have to keep reminding myself that there is no testimony without a test. Life has to be about learning from your mistakes and Lord knows i've made a lot of them. Some I didn't even know about. I thought I was doing a pretty good job and found out that I sucked. LOL! It hurt me to the core but I learned a valuable lesson.

I know I have not been the perfect mother, wife, sister, daughter, or friend but i've done my best. I'm confident that the people I love know how I feel about them. I may have been too much of a disciplinarian, or not catered to my husband enough. I didn't always have the patience that was required or keep in touch the way I should have. I'm still a good person, though flawed.

There are just some who feel that the world revolves around them. Some who have an overblown sense of entitlement. I have learned to accept that in some of the people I love and move on. I will not be the receptacle for their narcisstic view of the world. Do you boo, just not on my time.

I have to learn how to just do me. I've battled worried chick syndrome for a long time. At one point I had it under control, but it's coming back. I'm not happy about that at all. I'm missing out. I think, think, think, and by the time i'm done i'm too exhausted to move. It's just in me and I can't shake it.

I'm doing my best. I've learned to try and find that quiet space in my mind when people, places, and things start to get to me. I shall overcome. Life is too damned grand to even think of doing anything else.

Until tomorrow....