Dear Diary 24

Dear Diary,

I met up with some friends yesterday and one of them was late. When she arrived and we had a chance to talk, she told me that she was late because she had just come from having an abortion. Just hearing the word brought back memories for me.

I became pregnant with my daughter when I was 16 years old. It was a total surprise, almost like an after school special. I was the girl who thought something like that would never happen to her. It never crossed my mind that my boyfriend (now husband) and I hardly ever used condoms.

When my boyfriend and I told my mother I was pregnant, she had an absolute fit. I can't really say I blamed her. The problem was, she was more worried about people would think of her than what was happening to me. She said people would think she was a bad mother if they say her 16 year old walking down the street with a big belly.

My mother proceeded to make a doctor's appointment for me, and even tried to sit in the room while the doctor examined me. I was ecstatic when the doctor told her she had to leave. Little did I know that she was at the main desk making an appointment for my abortion while my feet were in the stirrups.

As we walked home, she told me the date that my child would be sucked from my body against my will. Whenever I tried to tell her I wanted to have my child, she would ignore me. It was a really rough time. The only person I felt like I could talk to was the father of my child. Neither one of us wanted to abort our child, but we didn't know what to do.

The day of doom was approaching and my mother never really spoke to me. She had made the decision about what would be done to my child and with my body and that was all I needed to know. I wasn't about to let that happen, so I packed my clothes and left while she sat in the livingroom. There was no way I was going to have an abortion.

My mother eventually caught up with me after calling my father and most of our family and trying to make the father of my child look like satan. She blamed everything on him because he was 18 and I wasn't. She even tried to have him arrested for statutory rape. It was such a big mess. No matter what she tried he stood by me, and is still standing by me 25 years later.

Once she realized I was not going to do what she wanted, my mother gave in. She had no choice. She was the only person okay with what she was trying to do. When the smoke cleared, my family came over to my side and realized that forcing me to abort my child probably wasn't a good idea.

My daughter is a wonderful young woman. She just turned 24 the 20th of November. She graduated from the University of Virginia with a BS in psychology and an MS in early childhood development and teaches preschool. She has even studied in Morocco. I could not be any prouder of the woman she has become if I tried.

My mother loves to brag about all her grandchild has accomplished and I find that hilarious. If I had listened to her she would not be alive. My husband is also one of her favorite people in this world. I can remember when she told me he would be gone before our child was born. I understand that, in her mind, my mother was doing what she thought was best for me but the way she went about everything has left a sour taste in my mouth for 25 years. It still hurts. I wonder if she thinks about it.

I do not judge anyone who chooses to have an abortion. I think it is a woman's right to choose what to do with her body. It's just not something I would do. My friend is 42 years old with an established career and a ten year old son. She took every precaution and still became pregnant. She could not see a reason to have another child, and that is her prerogative.

It's funny how the simple word took me back to the time when I had to fight to bring my child into this world. I'm so glad I had someone in my life who was there for me and, together, we were able to make sure our child was born. I know a lot of girls in that position don't have that.

Until tomorrow....