Monday, September 29, 2008

Dear Diary 13

Dear Diary,

The days are zooming by faster and faster. Weekends always seem to go by too fast anyway. Mine was pretty good. My husband and I went to the movies Friday. He has a friend who works in a movie theater and we get to see as many movies as we want. We saw Lakeview Terrace, The Family That Preys, and Nights in Rodanthe. I think Samuel Jackson's performance in Lakeview Terrace and Sanaa Lathan's performance in Preys were some of their best work. Both movies were pretty good.

Nights in Rodanthe is the movie that stuck with me. Diane Lane and Richard Gere were the stars. It was a good movie to see with my mate. I don't want to say too much about it, but the movie demonstrated how people come into your life for a reason and even if it's only for a short period of time, they can have a huge impact.

After seeing the movie, I thought about my father. It's so important to tell the people we love how we feel about them. I found out that my father passed away on his birthday. He had a heart attack and way lying on his bedroom floor for a few days before his landlord found him. I loved my father very much, but didn't always verbalize it. We said, "I love you," to one another from time to time. Because of the way he died, I wasn't able to talk to him before he passed away. That was ten years ago and I still think about it every day.

I make it a point to say those three important words to all those I feel them for now, just in case. You never know what could happen. I miss my daddy so much. I'm glad I have good memories of him. I'm also glad I have so many things that I know I got from him like his love of sports and music, his creativity (he was a photographer and writer), his love of reading, and even his mean streak.

Whenever I spoke to my father he would always close the conversation with, "Don't take no wooden nickels." I've kept that with me. My father was not one to let people get over on or disrespect him. He definitely passed that on to me. I just hope that when he's looking down on me, he's smiling with pride and saying, "You're doing a good job Bugaloo."

Until Tomorrow...

Friday, September 26, 2008

Dear Diary 12

Dear Diary,

I haven't written a poem in a long time, but today the spirit moved me. I'm going to give it a try. Maybe i've been inspired by Don and a free spirit butterfly.

Mother
Daughter
Sister
Wife
I am all of the above
Sometimes I feel like my identity gets lost
So busy
Trying to please
Make sure everyone is okay
Do they have what they need?
Someone once said
What about you?
And I became confused
What about me?
What have you done for you lately
They replied
I'm a strong black woman
I can handle it
Pessimist
Optimist
Giver
Taker
I'm all of the above
Knowing the future can be great
But not wanting to get my hopes up
Letting my love go freely
Hoping to get it back in return
To whom much is given
Much is expected
I was given a gift
Strong shoulders
Heavy with burden
Filled with solutions
I’ve got the secret
Never let ‘em see you sweat
The backbone of my people
The ride or die chick
Down for her dude
There with the rifle
When the shotgun’s too light
By any means necessary
I’m a strong black woman
I can handle it
Mother
Daughter
Sister
Wife
I am all of the above
That’s me
Strong black woman
And I got it under control

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Dear Diary 11

Dear Diary,

Someone sent me an email that I thought was perfect for this blog.


Quote for the day:

'Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.

If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.

If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.

If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.

If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.'

So - if you give her crap,

You will receive more shit than any one human being can handle

Love and appreciate all the women in your life.


Until Tomorrow...

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Dear Diary 10

Dear Diary,

Yesterday was wonderful. I got a lot of writing done and relished the sound of nothing in my home. My son came home a little earlier than I thought and I had to hold back the urge to ask him what the hell he was doing home, but it was okay. He may have been thinking the same thing. He's the first one to get home and i'm sure he likes his alone time as much as I do.

I went to work feeling great. It's crazy how one good day off can replinish you. There's always drama on my job, but i've been doing my best to stay out of it. Because of one of my co-workers, the vibe can be a little sticky from time to time but I have a couple people I enjoy talking to so it's okay.

One of my co-workers is a deejay and music producer. He is producing music for his cousin, who can really sing, and they are close to a record deal. We share a bond of creativity that a lot of people don't understand. He knows how I feel knowing that I am close to being done with the first draft of my novel and shares in my excitement. We encourage one another and it's nice to have that person who understands what i'm feeling.

There are so many miserable people where I work. Part of me wants to feel sorry for them, but their attitudes are so disgusting sometimes that they sympathy goes out the window. Misery, indeed, loves the hell out of company. Our job is the end all be all for a lot of them because they have nothing else to do. They don't take the time to find an interest or cultivate a talent because they're too busy worrying about what everyone else has or what they're doing. Crabs in a barrel...

I was telling my co-worker that everyone he thinks is happy for him isn't. Actually, I told him that a long time ago. I stopped talking about my book with certain people because I could feel their negative energy, even when they had on a fake, supportive smile. He finally sees what i've been saying. People's true colors are starting to show.

All I can do is pray for them and keep it moving.

Until Tomorrow...

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Dear Diary 9

Dear Diary,

Today is a me day. I took the day off the spend some time with myself. I'm not going anywhere, just chillin in the house alone. I did some laundry this morning and i'm about to make myself something to eat and relax. I'm so happy.

I didn't do any writing this weekend so I plan to get it going today. I'm right at the end of the final chapter and i'm feeling a little anxious. My pen and pad looks like a luscious t-bone steak. I'm unplugging the house phone and hoping no one calls my cell. It'll just be me and the ideas that I let flow onto the paper. I love writing my chapters before I break out the flash drive. I've just never been one to sit in front of the computer when it comes to writing my book.

The peace and quiet in my home right now is one of my favorite sounds. I love being alone. It gives me time to think. Most of the time i'm thinking about how the book is going to end and where I want my characters to go. I already have ideas for the next installment.

Well, i'm going to continue my me day and get as much writing I can before the family starts rolling in.

Until Tomorrow....

Monday, September 22, 2008

Dear Diary 8

Dear Diary,

I had a very relaxing weekend, no hanging out, no nothing. All I did was spend time with my husband. That's my favorite thing to do. We could sit alone in a room for a week and make the best out of it. We always have fun together.

Actually, after 19 years of marriage, we did something kind of cool Saturday. We joined a couple's group. He initially joined because of the incentives, AKA we get paid a thousand bucks over ten weeks, but now he can't stop talking about how much fun it was. We had a really good time getting to know the other couples, discussing different topics, and doing fun exercises. It was great!

We were the O.G.'s, along with one other couple. None of the other couples had been married over eight years. The husbands were just as involved as the wives and I thought that was nice because most of them admitted that their wives made them come. I'm the type of person who takes a little time to warm up to situations, but I felt comfortable immediately.

My husband, like the others, didn't really want to go. He basically did it for me. Even though we've been together for 25 years, I feel like there's always something you can learn. I really apprciate him not only going, but taking a big part in all of the discussions. That's not his thing.

It was only our first time, but we've already learned something. Our arguments can get a little heated and we were taught a technique that will help us keep things from getting out of hand. That's something I was hoping for. We're both really stubborn people and neither one of us are good at backing down. I think what we learned will definitely come in handy.

I'm happy that after all these years we're still in love. We're not together for the kids or convenience we really and truly love one another. We've been through some things that could have sent us over the edge, but we held on to each other and kept it going. We've raised two amazing people, our daughter has her Bachelors in Psychology and Masters in Early Childhood Education and our son graduated second in his high school class and is now a freshman in college. It feels great.

It's not easy to keep your family together. People don't always support you, or want you to succeed. We were young parents and people in our families tried to get us to abort our daughter. For years we held on to one another for dear life, feeling like we were all we had. I think those times laid the foundation for the relationship we have now.

I enjoyed being with my man, doing absolutely nothing. Like I said, it's one of my favorite things to do. I wouldn't trade the times we have alone together for anything.

Until Tomorrow....

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Dear Diary 7

Dear Diary,

I've been having a lot of interesting conversations with the women I know lately and, frankly, it's been a little scary. I'm the advice person, so I hear all kinds of things. I've been told that i'm a good listener and problem solver.

It seems like every conversation i've had lately has been about what a man has done. It's almost as if women have started to wrap their lives around men. I'm sure this is not true of all women, but it is true of a good many. Why are women giving their power away?

I've been with my husband since I was 15 and he was 18. I'm now 40 and he's 42. We've had our ups and downs, but have always done what we needed to keep things together. It hasn't been perfect or easy, but we're still together. Relationships are hard. I love my husband with all my heart but he does not control the direction my life takes.

One of my friends is depressed over a man she's known for two months. He's not giving her the attention she needs. She asks me for my opinion and when I tell her to leave him alone she comes up with reasons why he doesn't return her phone calls (he's working overtime) or take her anywhere (he's tired from working overtime). Two days later, she's complaining about the same situation she made excuses for.

Another friend is devastated because she asked God for a sign to tell her what was going on with her husband and had a dream that he had a baby. She says it's her fault that he chose to be with someone else. I can't really get into a conversation with her about the situation because she's basing her conclusion on a dream.

I have a 23 year old daughter and she's definitely a strong black woman. I've tried my best to instill so much pride, dignity, and love for self in her that she wouldn't even think about allowing someone into her life that isn't worthy of the beatiful, intelligent, educated woman that she is. I'm proud of her, and proud of myself for raising her.

I'm not one who prescribes to the all men are dogs philosophy. I prescribe to the people can only do to you what you allow philosophy. If someone isn't treating you the way you would like, it's up to you to explain to them that you will not settle for less than you deserve and leave them alone if they cannot meet your standards. It's okay to be picky. We should all be selective about who we spend our time with.

Love of self is also a big factor. If you're not happy with yourself, how can someone else make you happy or vice versa? How can you give of a self you do not appreciate? When you truly love who you are you will not give the time of day to someone who doesn't respect you.

Women have a lot of power. I wish we would stop giving it away. We can't allow ourselves to be taken for granted. We are the mothers of this earth and deserve to be treated as such.

Until tomorrow....

Monday, September 15, 2008

Dear Diary 6

Dear Diary,

This is a poem by Maya Angelou that I just had to post.

Hey ladies,


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
enough
money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
something
perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams
wants to see her in an hour...


A WOMAN SHOULD
HAVE ...
a youth she's content to leave behind....


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a past juicy
enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her
old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
one friend who
always makes her laugh.. and one who lets her cry...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a good piece
of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her
family..


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
eight
matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for
a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored...


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
a feeling of
control over her destiny..


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD
KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself..


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit
a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend
without
ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN
SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK
AWAY...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her
childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she
would and wouldn't do for love or more...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW....
how to live
alone... even if she doesn't like it...


EVERY
WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to
go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
or a
charming Inn in the woods....
when her soul needs
soothing...


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
What she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...

Dear Diary 5

Dear Diary,

Well, it's Monday. The weekend goes by so fast. I'm at work and it feels like I was just here yesterday. I cherish my days off.

Hubby and I went out with some friends Saturday night. We had a few drinks and laughed about this and that. It's easy to enjoy yourself when you're in good company. You know how you have friends that are family. That's how I feel about the couple we were with.

The night was wonderful, good drinks, good food, and good company. It doesn't get any better than that. My husband and I haven't been out with another couple in a while, so it was nice to talk about topics that couples who've been together for a while have in common.

None of us really wanted to end the night, but they have a two month old and wanted to get a little rest before he woke them up. We dropped them off at their place, which is about 15 minutes away from where we live. Just as we were heading down the path to our building, my husband's cell phone rang.

So, in the span of about twenty minutes, our friends got into a fight that ended up getting physical. She was home alone with her kids and he was gone. My husband and I were in shock and had no idea what to do. We went upstairs, both in a daze, and sat on our terrace trying to figure out what the hell could have happened. We were all having fun and they were hugging and kissing all night like newlyweds.

It turns out the whole thing started with a simple argument that escalated. Residual feelings and emotions came to surface and something tragic ended up being the result. I couldn't get any sleep. One of my friends was MIA and the other was at the hospital getting MRIs and CT-Scans.

I couldn't sleep. All I could think of was the demise another Black family. I'm not even sure I can continue this without crying. Why does it seem like all of our families are falling apart, even as a Black family has the chance of being the first family of the United States? It's scary.

I love my friends will all of my heart and I wish this could be worked out, but how do I tell another Black woman that she should give a man a second chance after he put his hands on her? I just wouldn't feel right. She asked for my opinion and all I could say was, "Do what's right for you."

So, it's Monday, and I have no idea what happened. I'm scared to call and hear that my friend is locked up for hitting his wife. This whole thing is crazy. I know that's not him. Communication is so important in a relationship. It's important that we talk about the things that are bothering us. If my friends would have done that, the entire situation would not have happened. We need our Black families together, raising strong, confident Black children.

I'm not sure what the conclusion to this situation will, or should, be. I don't even know what to say.

Until Tomorrow....

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Dear Diary 4

Dear Diary,

The work week is over. It was okay. Of course, I would have liked to be at home writing but I have to do what I have to do to pay them bills. One of these days my writing is going to be what gets them paid. I'm really focused and my eyes are on the prize.

Today my husband and I are going to hang out with one of our favorite couples. I'm really looking forward to it. I need to unwind. We're going out for a few drinks. I know it will be fun. It's always good to be around people whose company you enjoy.

I didn't get any writing done yesterday and I felt a little guilty about it. I'm right at the end of my book and I want to finish. I feel like a pregnant woman at the end of her third trimester. The anticipation is killing me. I'm ready to give birth to the novel that i've been carrying for the past year. It's time for my baby to be born.

I think my husband has been feeling a little neglected because I start writing as soon as I get home. For the past couple of weeks my focus has been on what i'm doing and not on him. Part of me says he needs to just deal with it, but the other part realizes that men need a lot of attention. I sacrificed my writing time to make him happy. He did tell me he was proud of my focus. That made me smile.

More and more people are asking me what my novel is about. Am I wrong for not wanting to tell them? I don't mean any harm but they need to wait until it comes out and buy and copy. Support a sister.

Tomorrow I have to make up for the writing time i've missed. Whenever I don't write I feel a little out of sorts. Writing is my Jerry McGuire, it completes me. I'm feeling a little incomplete right now, but i'll put myself back together tomorrow.

Time to go out and have some fun!

Until tomorrow....

Friday, September 12, 2008

Dear Diary 3

Dear Diary,

I just got my issue of Vibe magazine and it really made me sad. Ciara is on the cover and she's naked. There are also three naked pictures of her inside the magazine. As a black woman and a mother, I went through so many emotions when I saw the pictures. At first I was disgusted, then I was angry, and now i'm sad.

Is this what it has come to? Butt-naked on the cover of Vibe magazine?

I've heard Ciara say many times that she understands that she is a role model for young girls and want to be a good example. I'm still trying to understand how her naked spread in Vibe furthers her role model status.

I understand that this young lady is coming of age and becoming a woman, but she can't have it both ways. You can't call yourself a role model for young girls and turn around and pose nude in a magazine. I don't want to hear that she wants girls to be proud of their bodies. That is real nonsense.

The issue is not only why did Ciara feel the need to have put her body on display. Why did Vibe feel the need to have a naked woman on their cover? I don't think their sales are lacking. I just don't get it. I held that magazine in my hand and stared at it in disbelief. I felt bad for Ciara. I'm not a big fan of her voice, but I do think she's a talented young lady. I don't get why she would do something like that.

I have a daughter and even though she's 23 years old, I think she would think of her father and I before she did something like that. I can't help but wonder how Ciara's parents feel. I think I would be devastated if that was my daughter because I just would not want her to go that route.

We live in such a sex crazed society. There's that saying that sex sells and, unfortunately, it's true. It's hard to raise a girl these days. There are so many things she has to watch out for. We have to teach our daughters that they are more than t and a. We need to instill love of self and confindence into our daughters.

I would love to sit down with Ciara and the editors of Vibe and ask them why the nakedness was necessary. Would they editors put a naked man on their cover?

We as women have to do all we can to insure that the next generation of us are strong Black, Latino, Asian, White......women. It's important for the survival of our society.

Until tomorrow....

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Dear Diary 2

Dear Diary,

I met a really nice, older lady in the nail salon today. She had such a beautiful spirit, and was fly as hell. Every part of her swagger was tight. She had a short, curly afro, her makeup was flawless, her outfit was tight, and her Louis Vuitton bag was to die for. She also had the prettiest smile i've ever seen.

We had some really nice conversation. She was a newly retired nurse and it was obvious that she was loving life. All I could think when I looked at her was, "That's what's up." I'm looking forward to the day when I can say I had a good career, took care of my family, and handled my business, and now it's my time.

This beautiful lady was getting the works at the nail salon in preparation for a cruise. She'll be off to the sea in a couple days and she couldn't stop smiling. I was so happy for her. It will be her first cruise and when I told her i've been on a couple she asked a lot of questions. Her excitement was infectious and before I knew it everyone in the place was talking.

Before she left, she told us all to, "Live a life that prepares you for tomorrow." She's in the second phase of her life and can enjoy it because she did such a good job in the first one. That was a lesson learned. It's never a bad idea to be prepared.

I pray that I can be as happy and fly as the woman I met in the nail salon when i'm her age. I think i'm off to a good start. I still have a few years ahead of me. I'm 40 and i'm just settling into being me. Hopefully, i'll have everything in place when I reach the age of retirement.

The first phase of my life is going pretty good. Hopefully i'll have a second phase like the woman I met today.

Until tomorrow...

Dear Diary 1


Dear Diary,

I found this poem and was so inspired that I needed to write it down.


BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN, YOUR BEAUTY IS SURPASSED

BY NONE

BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN, YOUR SENSUOUS

SPLENDOR IS LIKE THE SHINING SUN YOUR

WONDROUS WAYS COME FROM YOUR SOUL

WHICH NO ONE MAN MAY HOPE TO CONTROL

BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN, YOU ARE THE GUIDING

HOPE OF OUR PEOPLE

BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN, YOUR MIND MAINTAINS

YOUR GLORIOUS POWER

BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN, YOUR SPIRIT IS

LIKE A SHINING CHURCH TOWER WHICH POINTS THE

WAY TO HEAVEN ABOVE AND WHICH

SEEKS TO FIND TRUE LOVE

BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN, YOU ARE THE GUIDING

HOPE OF OUR PEOPLE

BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN, YOUR TIME IS LIKE A

PRECIOUS COMMODITY

BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN, YOUR EBONY WILL IS

STRONG AND FREE SO TAKE YOUR PRECIOUS TIME

AND YOUR DETERMINED WILL AND USE THEM BOTH TO

EMPHASIZE WHAT YOU REALLY FEEL

BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN, YOU ARE THE GUIDING HOPE

OF OUR PEOPLE

BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN, IN YOU LIES OUR FUTURE!

By Vernon J. Davis Jr.

Author of " Love Is The Beautiful Black Woman"