Thursday, September 18, 2008

Dear Diary 7

Dear Diary,

I've been having a lot of interesting conversations with the women I know lately and, frankly, it's been a little scary. I'm the advice person, so I hear all kinds of things. I've been told that i'm a good listener and problem solver.

It seems like every conversation i've had lately has been about what a man has done. It's almost as if women have started to wrap their lives around men. I'm sure this is not true of all women, but it is true of a good many. Why are women giving their power away?

I've been with my husband since I was 15 and he was 18. I'm now 40 and he's 42. We've had our ups and downs, but have always done what we needed to keep things together. It hasn't been perfect or easy, but we're still together. Relationships are hard. I love my husband with all my heart but he does not control the direction my life takes.

One of my friends is depressed over a man she's known for two months. He's not giving her the attention she needs. She asks me for my opinion and when I tell her to leave him alone she comes up with reasons why he doesn't return her phone calls (he's working overtime) or take her anywhere (he's tired from working overtime). Two days later, she's complaining about the same situation she made excuses for.

Another friend is devastated because she asked God for a sign to tell her what was going on with her husband and had a dream that he had a baby. She says it's her fault that he chose to be with someone else. I can't really get into a conversation with her about the situation because she's basing her conclusion on a dream.

I have a 23 year old daughter and she's definitely a strong black woman. I've tried my best to instill so much pride, dignity, and love for self in her that she wouldn't even think about allowing someone into her life that isn't worthy of the beatiful, intelligent, educated woman that she is. I'm proud of her, and proud of myself for raising her.

I'm not one who prescribes to the all men are dogs philosophy. I prescribe to the people can only do to you what you allow philosophy. If someone isn't treating you the way you would like, it's up to you to explain to them that you will not settle for less than you deserve and leave them alone if they cannot meet your standards. It's okay to be picky. We should all be selective about who we spend our time with.

Love of self is also a big factor. If you're not happy with yourself, how can someone else make you happy or vice versa? How can you give of a self you do not appreciate? When you truly love who you are you will not give the time of day to someone who doesn't respect you.

Women have a lot of power. I wish we would stop giving it away. We can't allow ourselves to be taken for granted. We are the mothers of this earth and deserve to be treated as such.

Until tomorrow....

4 comments:

Keith said...

Bravo Sister, you said it all!

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

Wow, we do have a lot in commom. My daughter is 25. Anyway, WOW again for the "successful" marriage. I wanted to be you... I wanted people to ask, "how long have ya'll been 2gether and I'd proudly shout out the years." But it didn't work out that way. He wasn't happy and left. I cried a lot because I believed in happily ever after and I didn't want to on the side of statistics. But in reality, he did me a big favor because I would have never left and I wouldn't have found "me." Now I have the power and it feels so DAMN GOOD! He took something from me but gave me something so much more valuable in return. Lastly, my friends and co-workers talk to me as if I have a degree in counseling.. the funny thing is I wish I did because they walk away feeling better than when they first approached. God is using you so keep on giving out the advice (each 1 teach 1) peace and blessings and again congrats on sustaining your union in this crazy world of selfishness and broken heartednes.

Unknown said...

Nice blog! Keep it comin!

Don said...

Women definitely have alot of power. I will never deny that, women can turn things around in a hurry, whether good or bad.

You gave your friend good advice - she hears you even if she doesn't listen. One day she will truly understand every word. She's in love, right now.