Dear Diary 37

Dear Diary,

There's so much going on in my head right now. I feel like i'm twisting in the wind. My birthday is coming up and although I haven't accomplished everything I would have liked to since I turned 40, I do think i've made some improvements and learned a lot of things about myself.

I've learned that I am a lot stronger than I thought I was. I can handle way more than I give myself credit for. I should have known that because God is not going to give you more than you can handle, even when you think you're overwhelmed. How can you appreciate what you have if it doesn't take a little work?

I still feel there's a blessing waiting for me. Too many things are being moved. I don't know what it is or when it will come; I just want to be ready. It's important for me to be the person who deserves what they receive. That is why I feel like i'm being prepared. I know that my mindset has done a lot to block my blessings. You get what you give. I've been way to pessimistic and worrysome. I finally realize that has to change if I want to get the things out of life that are waiting for me.

My children are grown now. I've done my job as a mother. It's their time now. My daughter has her career and my son has begun his college journey. Now is the time for their father and I to sit back and watch them live their lives. We filled up their belts, now it's time for them to use the tools. I'm very proud of them and thank God that I had a hand it adding two wonderful people to the universe.

My husband and I are really hitting our stride. We thought we'd be living alone at this time. Our daughter was going to move out and our son was going to go away for college. They both changed their minds. It's fine. I don't want my daughter to move until she has enough saved where she can sit pretty and live her life. My son's decision to stay turned out to be a good one because he received a four year academic scholarship and is a member of the school basketball team. He loves his school. He made the right decision.

I feel good about the life the four of us have shared. Even though our children have lives of their own and we don't spend as much time together, we share a very close bond. I love my family very much. They have been my blessing for a very long time. It has been a priviledge for me to be in their lives.

How lucky am I? I got to carry two lives inside my womb. It was my responsibility to nurture them and bring them into this world. I still remember the day both of my children were born like it was yesterday. My husband was there with me every step of the way, as he has been since. I am truly blessed.

There was a time when I let everything stress me out. I worried, worried, worried, and assumed the worst at all times. In the months leading up to my 40th birthday, I began to do a lot of soul searching. I'm so glad I did. I'm not all the way there yet, but I am learning to let go. Things will work out the way they're suppose to. It's all in God's hands, and I am so thankful for every blessing he has sent my way.